Wednesday, October 18, 2017

OctPoWriMo Day 18 - And Still, the Rain

There were several prompts for today that I thought I'd use, but somehow they triggered a completely different poem. How did everyone went on eating become and still, the rain?

Three house sparrows
umbrella leaves
one cricket rides
a maple bark raft
and still, the rain.

the unheard song of the moon
revolving around the earth
revolving around the sun
ripples across grass peering
up through puddles that
have turned the lawn to sea
and still, the rain.

yellow mums prostrate themselves
to whisper prayers to the stars
the last of the corn sways to the
rhythm of the drops tambourining
praises on the barn's tin roof.
wheat stalks can barely
stretch to the sky to give
their hallelujahs
and still, the rain.

I'm not in love with this one. Too many things going on in one poem, I think. But that's what a rough draft is.

4 comments:

  1. I like it. Yes, there's a lot going on, but that's the point of the prompt. Life and stuff keeps on going, no matter what. So what I see in this poem is even though it's raining, raining, raining, what naturally happens happens.

    I love your vivid imagery: lawn turned to sea, mums whispering, raindrops tambourining praises, wheat stalks...hallelujas. Beautiful. Thank you. xoA

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  2. I agree with Annis.
    I loved the refrain, and the fact life goes on, moon revolving around the earth revolving around the sun, seemingly small things, but still, life.
    And I also loved your imagery. Just enough to paint the perfect picture, nothing forced, soft touches here and there... like raindrops on a canvas?
    Thank you!

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  3. I find something soothing about your refrain. I don't think there's too much at all. Great poem!

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  4. "one cricket rides a maple bark raft" i can see it. survival in a steady rain. love it

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